some things to make you happy

21 May 2018

You know how a lot of the time when it's sunny people comment on how the weather can effect your mood and we're all like wow! Love this sun, I am so happy! Well don't fret lads, I have compiled a list of good things that can give you happiness, whether it be momentarily or a lingering sense of the feeling, here are a few things that are guaranteed to give you a lil joy.

side note- this list is short, because there's a few things we all know can boost your mood (aka making your bed, doing a facemark) but I don't know. I've read some heartwarming things lately, watched a few heartwarming things, heard some songs that are happy, I figured I'd share.

-read 'Humans' or 'How To Stop Time' (I've heard it's equally as uplifting). If you want a soppy, classic teen romance novel that will make you cringe in an enjoyable way, read 'Anna and The French Kiss' or 'The Truth About Forever'. 'Wonder' is also a very heartwarming book, but it did make me cry. (People say the film is also uplifting, but I cried throughout the entire film, so I disagree with that)

-watch 'Queer Eye' on Netflix. It's really heartwarming, some may say suspiciously heartwarming- there were some episodes I had no reason to feel as warm inside as I did. If you want a laugh I recommend 'Brooklyn 99', me and my friend have been marathoning it together as a way to cure her broken heart and even if it's not curing anything, it's certainly making her laugh.

-listen to 'My Dad Wrote A Porno'. It makes me cackle. If you're not in the mood for a podcast, listen to Tom Mischs new album, it's banging and is lovely to the ears. I can't really think of any songs that are all round happy songs with happy lyrics, but I'm really digging 'Ubu' by Methyl Ethel at the moment.

-I have found having a late night meet up with a friend is also quite heartwarming. Finding a friend who will give you company when you can't be bothered for company but need someone else presence is heartwarming.

-drink a j2o. or a fun drink, any fun drink, I just feel like it's hard to be sad when drinking a j2o you know? They're a special drink, a drink that was reserved in childhood for special occasions only.

some things not to do if you want to feel heart warmed
- don't look at old photos, chances are someone will be in them to upset you. (not saying looking at old photos is always bad, but just on a sad day I find it rarely helps. Unless you don't linger on old broken friendships/ have good plans in the future)

-don't read 'Lolita'. It is too long, the writing is too pretentious and it will make you feel dumb for not being able to finish the novel. Also because the plot is messed up.


9 May 2018

I seem to be really out of the loop with reading at the moment. Some mornings I wake up and feel I could read for hours, and other days not so much. Over the course of 2018 I have read a fair few books though that I haven't spoken about, so I'm going to begin that now.

To put it simply, this book is about an alien who comes down to earth on a mission and on his mission finds out what it means to be human. I say it a lot, but this is actually one of my favourite books for an abundance of reasons. At first I felt sceptical about the story line, but it had me laughing from the beginning. This book is more than just funny though, it seems to be a perfect combination of humour and heartbreak and you're not violently thrown from one emotional state to another. I was never made to be a human purely made out of tears (unlike Call Me By Your Name that still sometimes makes me cry) nor did it leave my heart feeling heavy, which I thought sometimes it would have since the book tackles some sensitive topic. This book is so clever and funny and thought provoking and meaningful, god, it is such a meaningful book. My copy of it is covered in highlighter as there are so many wise words I want to remember forever, and mantras I want to encompass in my everyday life (the quote I mention in my 'things I've learnt post' comes from this book). It is an uplifting book, a wise book, a funny book, it is just such an important book for anyone who feels a little bit down, or lost in the chaos of life.

The Three Theban Plays are about Oedipus, the mythical king of Thebes- the Three Theban Plays consist of Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus and Antigone. I studied Classics at A-level, however I reread these plays the other day because they are so good. I don't know how to describe them, but let me tell you the Greeks don't fuck about with their plays. They are so entertaining, it can be a bit difficult to understand the chorus and now that I'm no longer studying these texts I usually skim over the chorus' part but honestly I think you guys should read the Three Theban Plays. They're just really entertaining and a proper insight into the Ancient Greeks values and the way they lived which is so interesting as there are so many links between our societies and theirs and there are just so many things to pick up on. I read other plays for bye exams, but these I find most entertaining, however if you want something thought provoking on a feminist foot, I recommend Medea by Euripides. I feel like we all know these famous plays/ cultures that are renowned for their literature and art, but it can seem to intense to divulge in their works, but then you finally do and it's like woah! no wonder this culture is famous for this thing! So trust me, the chorus can be complicated but these plays are so worth the read if you want something that's a bit different but equally as entertaining.

This book is about a woman called Celie who lives in the South of America and is set between 1910-1940. It's all about Celies life, she's born into racism and poverty, suffers tremendous abuse from those who should love her and has to live her life away from her sister. She meets people though in her life, that show her not all is bad. This is another thought provoking book, and targets so many issues in such a brutally honest way that it can be uncomfortable, be it is a necessary discomfort as it is rare for novels to speak about such issues in such a candid way whilst remaining relevant to the story- if that makes sense? I don't know how to explain, just a lot is mentioned in this book but it all works- whereas sometimes it can feel like authors just throw in problems for their characters, this book didn't feel that way. It's written in the form of Celies letters, which creates such a personal feel to the book which. It's really well written, the characters are so deep, the novel is so thought provoking and is one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. My only dislike of the novel (and in no way is this a major dislike) is that there are a lot of characters mentioned, and I got a bit confused with all the names, but every character included is important so the confusion didn't last long.

Big Little Lies is a brilliant take on ex-husbands and second wives, mothers and daughters, schoolyard scandal, and the dangerous little lies we tell ourselves just to survive. - Goodreads. 
I didn't actually realise when I began reading this that I knew the entire plot since my friend had told me one day at college, however, once I realised I knew exactly what was going to happen, it did not deter my interest. It is written by different characters perspectives, which I always find pretty enjoyable, but it really worked in this book as it allowed there to be other things happening besides the main plot, so there was also something to keep you interested. I also think the multiple narrative was super good in this novel because you clocked onto things before the characters but then the chapter would end and you'd be with another character and you were constantly finding out new things, then getting new questions in your head and it was all so suspenseful. Also, I like when there's multiple narratives yet each character still has their own distinct unique voice. Good writing, super good plot, I would recommend for an easy read that you want to keep you hooked.

there is meant to be an accent over the a in Saenz but I don't know how to get an accent on my laptop.
This is about two boys called Aristotle and Dante and their friendship (the synopsis' get worse and worse as the post continues). I've had this book for ages, but never read it until a few weeks ago because I was always put off by the cover, but I was stupid for that, because it's a great book. It's more light hearted than the others I've mentioned, it's an easy read. I like the way it's written, it doesn't have massive paragraphs or anything and is pretty dialogue heavy. I just really enjoyed this book, I don't know if it's because it was more of a journey than an actual plot, or the fact the novel was quite slow paced yet still entertaining or just because it satisfied my craving for an easy, romantic read. Nonetheless, this is a good book to read- what can I say, I'm a sucker for a coming of age story with an ending that leaves me feeling warm and happy.

This is a poetry book all about the poets life and the struggles she went through. Personally, I didn't enjoy it at all. I respect the author for showing her life in such an honest way, and oh boy has she had a tough life, but I just don't think it was very good poetry. I've read reviews debating whether it was poetry or not, and to me it felt like the author just hit the space bar every now and then- the spacing of the words made no impact on the text at all. It lacked the imagery and any deep meaning that belongs in poetry, or any text. It promotes self love but in such a recycled way, the authors story is unique but to me the poem just lacked the depth and beauty that poetry is meant to have. It felt like reading a diary that had been spaced out unnecessarily, in fact the only times I understood the reasoning for the spaces was when the words were making a shape, but shape poetry is a thing that should be left in primary school in my opinion. Harsh, but this poetry book was expensive and all in all, not overly worth it in my view, however I have read some reviews that absolutely loved it. And I like the cover. 

I've set myself reading goals for this month/May, to help keep me reading as I seem to stop so easily. I'm putting my goals here to keep me motivated to complete at least some of them.
-Read a Shakespeare play (Othello or Hamlet preferably)(in case you wondered)
-Read some poetry (preferably some Virginia Woolf poetry)
-Read some non-fiction books
-Read 'The Go Between' 
-Begin '1984'

My issue with this list though, is that I am so very poor at the moment, so I can't buy any books and I own most of these books but not all, but I need to wait till the end of May to buy some. I just want to read so many books, but my concentration lately is so terrible. Let me know any good books you guys have read, I'm always looking for recommendations! 

Feeling Funky

2 May 2018

One of the things I find hard is saying hi to people when I see them out and about. When I'm in a shop and I see my mums friend, I know I need to say hello, but I don't know how to make my way over and make them aware of my presence without startling them. I end up either trying to create a lot of noise so they notice me and begin the greetings, or I walk over and just kind of stand in front of them and say hello quite loudly but for some reason whenever I do that my arms stay at my side. Either way it's uncomfortable and ungraceful and that feeling of not knowing how to say hello is how I feel trying to open this post.

This is an outfit I would like to show you for a number of reasons. Firstly, because I think it's a cool outfit. Secondly, because I read Eleanors blog a lot and a while ago she done a post (here!) about this brand Maison De Choup and ever since reading her post I wanted to buy a t-shirt from this brand, and now I finally have. I don't feel overly qualified to talk about his brand and what not, but here are my reasonings for wanting to have a Maison De Choup t-shirt and for wanting to buy many more:

  • I love the simplicity of the designs, I quite like to wear bold trousers so having a t-shirt with a little design on it is always wanted by me. More than just looking nice though, the designs are symbolic, you can read the description of the top I got here 
  • Ethical!
  • Also I didn't know this at the time, but the tops are super soft and super good quality
  • If you buy from the 'Words Fail Me' collection, 25% of the proceeds go to YoungMinds, a charity dedicated to improving the wellbeing and mental health of young people. 
  • Supporting independent brands is always nice, but Maison de Choup is just such a pure brand, I love that it has a social cause at it's heart and that by just buying a t-shirt I felt like I was doing something. Albeit none of my money went to charity, but I don't know how to explain but all I want to do is support the business. I just love everything about Maison de Choup (again thanks to Eleanor because without her I would have remained ignorant and never knew such groovy clothes with amazing intentions existed) 
  • I thought my order was lost (it wasn't, turns out my mum had wrapped it up for me) so I sent them an email and George replied so fast and he used a lot of exclamation marks and I trust people who use exclamation marks. Also a little postcard came with the top. I don't know!! I just love it all!! Everyone buy from Maison De Choup, your heart will feel warm and you'll look cool

There is a ramble for you, I don't know how I ever used to write outfit posts. On a side note, I paired it with my tartan trousers which are from Brick Lane which I absolutely love, and these earrings from ASOS which I'm obsessed with. All in all, everything about this outfit I love (except my socks, but nobody's perfect). Peace! 

The Party Never Stops

26 April 2018

I'm in a funk, a sort of funk, not an over bearing funk but a funk which is making writing very difficult- which is strange because all I want to do is let you guys know about this great play I've been reading, but I am unable to write about the play or anything I particularly want to write about. It's strange, because I want to write. I had to google blog post ideas. Needless to say, all the makeup orientated post inspiration didn't inspire me. I've been wearing the same makeup pretty much my entire life, the occasional replacement of a product if I find out the brand isn't cruelty free. I'm going to have a bitch n a moan instead. 

I have found throughout my teenage years, many adults tell me to enjoy being a certain age, how being this age/ being at high school was the best time of their lives so I should live my life to the fullest and enjoy being that age. Although they don’t mean it, in my head I automatically think they mean that I should be getting as smashed as I can before I begin to get proper hangovers. I know that’s not what they mean, well I assume it’s not what they mean, but either way I think it’s dumb for adults to infiltrate our brains and trick us into thinking the younger years of our lives are going to be the best. I don’t really know how to explain, I struggle to be eloquent. I feel like adults have made growing up seem to be so void of enjoyment which, consequently, creates this pressure to make every moment of youth as fun as possible and has also created an unjustified fear of getting older. I think my ‘beef’ (if you will) with the pressure to enjoy being young, is that it makes me doubt myself in a way. By the time I’m older I will have a kinder brain (make it a statement, not a hope, make it a reality!) but will it be too late? Am I going to look back on my life and feel regret as a lot of my nights out were when I was young and didn’t enjoy them as much as I 'should' have, am I going to regret cancelling on my friends in order to give my brain a break because in adulthood it’s a lot more difficult to see friends? The questions are endless, but I think the answer is going to be no. I don’t really know how to explain, just either way, it’s dumb to associate youth with fun and it’s dumb to tell people to enjoy being a certain age, as it makes them scared to leave that age. Oh to be young and in love, oh to be young and free, oh to have a beautiful youthful body- well bitch, I know for sure I’m going to be 64 years old slamming tequila shots, having sex, wearing a bikini, feeling in love and feeling great. Why do people make getting older seem so bad? Yes, with age comes responsibilities (ew) and health problems and all that shit, but I don’t know, it just seems dumb to put ‘having a good time’ in only one section of life.

Whilst I am ranting about the general perception of age, I will also rant about my perception of age. It annoys me that my brain associates certain milestones with age, when in actuality, these milestones aren't going to be met by that desired age. I feel like with goals, my brain doesn't take it into account that the situation is important, all it does is focus on the age. But success can come at an older age, anything can come with an older age, but why does my brain think I have to be settled down and meeting my dreams by 30? It's stupid and I hate whoever started the idea that success is an age dominated thing, rather than just a general 'this is where you life is' thing. Makes sense? Probably not.

enjoy first photo of me being 19 in which my legs look really long, but don't be fooled, I am actually a very average height
A rant? Brain vomit? I don’t know, getting older is weird but I know great years are to come and that the fun doesn’t stop just because I’m beyond 35 years old and that even if I don't meet my dream until I'm 67 it still doesn't make my achievement any less significant. Peace out!

things I've learnt, and things I'm still yet to learn

14 April 2018

It weirds me out beyond belief that my friends are turning 19 and that soon I'll be 19 and then after that I'll be 20 which seems like the official age of adulthood. It stresses me out that with getting older comes all these new social experiences that no one teaches you how to behave in. There are questions in my life that still haven't been answered, there are new questions arising almost every day, but with me and my friends it is the blind leading the blind. Maybe that stretches beyond me and my friends though, I don't know if anyone has answers to half the things I have questions about, but then there are some questions I have that I know some people must have answers to but I just find it impossible to come up with an answer myself.

just for the record, I stole this pic from Katies blog but since I'm the model I figured it was okay
However, despite all the questions I have and the fact that since getting older my brain has become more dominated by question marks than full stops, there are some things I have learnt. Some answer the questions that drift around my mind, but most things I have learnt have no relevance to any questions I've ever had.

Things I have learnt since I've gotten older:
-There is so much more to life than just plain humus. Branch out and try something new, my personal faves are beetroot hummus and Moroccan hummus.
-Not everyone likes ABBA
-If you miss someone, chances are they miss you too but it's important to not let the feelings of missing overwhelm you- you got to recognise whether is a longing for the way things used to be between you two or whether you actually miss the current them as well. If it's the latter, don't be afraid to get back in touch.
-Not everyone washes their feet in the shower with soap and, to be perfectly honest, I just find this very strange. At first I thought my friends were dirty, but more and more people have said they don't put soap on their feet in the shower and I can't figure out if this is a normal thing or not
-A mist of anger can become too thick to see through, so never reply when you're angry
-Break ups are complicated and hard. Before, in films/novels I never fully understood a parents desire to be there for their kids first 'heart break', I always thought people went through many breakups in their life, so in my head a heart break couldn't be that bad. I wish I had recognised the title of heart break more, I wish I could have understood that there is a reason 'break' is in the title, yet break doesn't even begin to do the feeling justice. I wish I could have understood that breakups aren't always as black and white as they're made out to be, that sometimes a breakup means you both have to force yourselves out of love for things to be okay. Now I know though, I understand the twists of a heartbreak and that a breakup isn't all that simple. I feel more prepared for any future breakups that may happen.
-Medjooli dates are delicious.
-The world can be so cruel, so you got to do some small things to make it better
-Literally everyones life is falling apart, social media just shows the good shit and some people use it to trick themselves into the illusion that their life is together since their Instagram is full of good times, but in reality we're all just falling apart.
-Some friendships need to be dropped, and it can be so difficult but they just do sometimes. Don't worry about seeming cruel, because if a friendship feels bad to you then it's bad for the both of you- it can be hard but sometimes you just got to cut that person out your life. Don't be afraid to unfollow them on social media, once you no longer have constant reminders of that person in your life your anger and bitterness will fade. Just don't mistake the feelings of fading anger as you wanting to be their friend again (and don't follow them back after a while as unfollowing someone twice on Instagram is just awkward)
-People who are 100% good aren't necessarily small and weak. And yes, these people who are filled with purely good intentions do exist.
-Dance! Dance when you're out, sing along to the songs!

Things I haven't learnt
-When I'm meant to pay for myself and when my mum is meant to pay for me. Do I pay for my own bedding? Do we split the price of my work uniform? Do I buy a Diet Coke if we're out and about together or will she?
-I don't know if I'm allowed to turn the heating on whenever I want, even though I am an adult
-How to stop being angry at someone
-How to walk away after you've hooked up with someone (apparently curtsying is the wrong thing to do)
-How to say no
-How to stand up for myself
-How to stop comparing myself
-How to have self control and not eat an entire jar of peanut butter within 72 hours of buying it
-How to go from acquaintances to friends with some people. Do you know what I mean when you know someone, but they already have an idea of you and you feel like you can't exceed what they already know of you so you live by the person they think you are despite desperately wanting to break that boundary and become an actual friend rather than that girl they see on a night out? I'm not sure how to explain.
-How to stop watching my life from a distance and actually experience it and follow the voice of reason rather than my overpowering selfish instincts

There are many other things I don't know, many other things I don't think I ever will know and a shit ton of things I will never understand. I'm trying to live by a quote though, that we should try to understand less and accept more. My desperate wish to understand some things is highly annoying and inappropriate at times so I'm trying to just accept the fact some things happen and reasons/labels/explanations aren't always necessary- or even possible. Even though I don't understand why not everything can be explained (ugh). Anyway, see you soon dudes!

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